Pit in My Stomach

It was supposed to be just another day. Nothing special, just a group assignment for our personality psychology subject. We had to present and teach the topics we were assigned. I had the intro, a small part at the end, and the conclusion. But what happened in those few minutes turned out to be one of the most important experiences of my recent years.

For most of my life, I have had this thing: right before any exam, presentation, or competition, I would get a pit in my stomach. A low-key panic attack. My mind would go blank, my body stiff, and I would be terrified. But strangely enough, I would always ace that thing. So, for me, those nerves always meant one thing: I cared. That pit was a reminder that I wanted to give my best.

Right before the presentation, the pit came back. My hands went cold, my brain froze for a while, and I forgot everything I had prepared. But then I went ahead, started speaking, and somehow gave the most interactive presentation of the entire class.

When I started presenting, the room was not silent, it was alive. My classmates were laughing, engaging, and responding. Even my professor, who has a reputation for being strict and hard to impress, was laughing. At the end, she clapped and mentioned it was a refreshing presentation and that we had set the right tone for everyone. I asked the professor afterwards about the presentation and whether I could be a good teacher or not. She laughed and said, “You will be a great one, but your portion will always be remaining, be ready for that.”

Afterwards, I sat for a moment and then everything hit me at once. I realized what had happened, and I was over the moon, not because everyone appreciated me, but because of the pit in my stomach.

Somewhere in the last eight years, that feeling had disappeared. There was no pit in my stomach, I stopped getting nervous. I stopped caring that deeply. I was just going through the day.

Until today.

It meant I cared. It meant something mattered to me.

And for the first time in a long time, I felt alive again. I finally realized what I had been chasing continuously all this time. It was the pit in my stomach.