The Con Artist

Midnight Mindset

I had made a promise to myself to write at least once a week. I wanted to keep that alive. But life has been taking new turns. Moving to a new place, New Business responsibilities, new projects, MA Psychology, teaching kids, more on my plate than ever. Writing twice a week? Not possible anymore.

So here I am, lying on my bed at midnight, half-clear and half-lost, drifting between thoughts of the universe and tomorrow’s to-do list.

Purpose, Pressure, and Pretending

In moments like these, I feel like I could solve every question humanity has ever asked and yet I can’t even answer the simplest one:
Who am I? Who am I supposed to be? What’s my purpose?

Some days, I feel it’s to help others.
Some days, to be the best version of myself.
Some days, to fulfill the expectations of my family and friends.
And on other days, it feels like life has no real purpose at all. Just a story we tell ourselves to stay busy. To stay sane.

There’s a strange pressure I carry. The world sees me as someone strong-headed, full of purpose, someone who has it all figured out this confident, clear, “positive” person.

But what they don’t see is the curtain behind it. They don’t know how often I’m lost in negative thoughts, how often I feel like I’m barely keeping it together.

And sometimes, I feel like a fraud.
Like I’m conning the world into believing I’ve figured life out.
Hell, sometimes I feel like I’m conning myself.

Admitting the Truth

The truth? I don’t have it figured out.
I don’t know who I am.
I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life.

And saying this, admitting this feels like freedom. Like someone just unlocked a door I didn’t even know was locked.

A few minutes ago, my head was pounding. So I shut off all the lights, all the screens, and just sat with myself.

These thoughts poured out.
And as I started speaking them out loud into my phone’s speech-to-text, something shifted.

I feel lighter now.
The pressure in my head? Gone.
The tightness in my chest? Eased.
I can breathe. I can finally breathe.

It’s funny, maybe my brain is just getting ready for the next con.

But who is it for?
The world?
Or me?

I guess… we’ll find out.